Only Sadness Teaches You The Real Meaning Of Life

It's Tuesday, 29 August 2017 4:34 PM today... It's been 1 year and 29 days since my father died of a heart attack, and not a day goes by where he doesn't pop into my thoughts... My father was the strongest person I have ever known... I miss my father every single second of every day... After he died, I went through the routines of life, but I could not fully accept he was gone... It was like I was living, but my brain and heart were taking an emotional leave... To this day, I still don't know if I can truly say I have reached a state of acceptance that he is gone... However, I have realized that maybe this is OK... Maybe he doesn't ever truly need to be considered "gone"... 1 year and 29 days later, This is what I have learned about life after the death of my father...

Life has now taught me that losing someone can happen in the blink of an eye... This makes me worried about all the things that can happen to the people closest to me... When someone is supposed to come over and doesn’t, I worry... When someone doesn’t answer their phone, I worry... I instantly start thinking about worst case scenarios, and everything that could have gone wrong... I don’t want to lose the people that are still in my life... So I become more attached to them... I want to show them how much they mean to me, remind them all the time... I now understand that life is not forever because I understand now how quickly life can disappear.... I learn to live with the experience of the loss, and live with how things ended... I have learned to never take a single person, experience, memory, or moment for granted... Everything I currently have can be lost in an instant, without any warning... I learn who really cares about me and who really is there... This loss shows me who my real well–wishers are... I have learned what is important in life, and what is not... My meaning of life has changed forever... I learned to accept that, I learned that it was okay to admit that I was in pain, that I wasn’t okay...