On 31 July, 2016 my healthy active beautiful, loving and caring father left for work in the morning and never came home a massive heart attack!... No symptoms no warnings no goodbyes just here one minute and then a long gone... My father's heart may have stopped beating on 31 July, 2016 at 6:13 PM but he lives on with me or inside of me every single day because it's my mission to make damn sure of it...
The day after my father's death, it's too complex to explain, sometimes insensitive comments coming from those on the outside people used to say to me that... It Was Allah's Plan... Everything Happens For A Reason... There are many more, but these are some of the greatest hits... Now the justifications for these comments is always the same they don't know what to say... The most insensitive comments of all time and the one that I feel is the most harmful You Need To Move On To Get Over It... Get On With Your Life... Let me say this as simply as I can when it comes to the death of someone that you love there is no such thing as Moving On it is a lie it is a made up concept created by people who were too uncomfortable with death and sadness and grief... But here's the thing... It's not their fault they are only repeating what has become familiar to them throughout the years what's been taught to them by society over and over again...
Taking away someone's connection to someone they love who has died... What purpose does that serve... What kind of message are we sending that the people we love are replaceable that the love we have for our loved ones has an expiration date that their life didn't really matter... When someone you love dies and you're told over and over again to Move On something inside of you breaks... And when that happens you don't really feel much like living anymore... You figure hey why should I stick around when I'm not allowed to continue to love my person that I miss... So I start isolating I keep to myself my world becomes smaller and smaller and I disappear...
This is not the way to honor love... To honor those that we love who have died... You can't Move On from love... Love is the only thing that never dies... Grief makes me feel isolated, alone terrified and damaged and scared of absolutely everything... Grief felt so much like fear to me... The fear of what the fear of losing myself the fear of growing all alone the fear that this intense pain will never stop the fear of forgetting the sound of my father voice or his laugh or the others will forget him that his life won't have mattered...
So let me ask you this... When you die do you want to be forgotten... Do you want people to tell your loved ones hey Get Over It... Get Over Her... Get Over Him... Move On... My wish for everyone is that when our time is up the people who love us never Move On... Because here's the truth... If we Move On and let go of and get rid of the people that we love who have died if we do that then just what... They really are gone... They're gone they're just gone...
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